Palamino Songs by Stephen D. Kelly, inspired by Thousand of Voices.
Thousands of voices going off in my head, like light bulbs, but you can not hear them they are felt not heard.
Unless of course you acquire a megaphone or something like that. One with plastic bulbs on the outside like . . . lamp . . . fishing anyone? Days gone by – momma gonna be mad at me now. I forgot to wipe that smirk off my face. Eat soap Jenny, eat soap, eat more soap you bitch, take that – whack. You don’t want to cry for me eh? Poor momma, she could not control herself to this day she thinks it was me not Jen that kicked a hole in the tub.
I only wanted you to love me, didn’t want me in your womb,well I must have wanted you.
Cut me out paper dolls, cut me out of the air I am breathing, let me forget the past, please, momma please. Please she sung sweetly, swinging on a swing made out of air and cotton candy threads, sweat beaded, with lots of space in-between.
Build me a pillow of protection: paddle whap wong. Ouch- she meant to do it and do it hard you bitch. I hate you and that is why I feel like a witch (at times) because that is truth. My hatred of you hating your own flesh your own blood, your own hopes and dreams that you yourself chose to tidy bowl, yes, swoosh with the tampons and other disgusting things down the sewer with the rats out to sea.
Sit on a boat?
Maybe, with two mice shootin’ crap with die made out of sugar cubes, and then we’ll sit and have that cup of tea, brewed in that special pot
Peacefully.
Palamino Songs, by my beloved Stephen David Kelly, was created from this poem as a composition for a dance duet titled Afterbirth, which has no video record. In posting this to the blog, I was shocked to realize, that the poetry spoke of the dissociative component that I was not yet aware of. This follows my observation that the metaphor of the creative expression generally preceded the memory work and trauma coming to the surface to be witnessed by the conscious mind. This to me, implies, that trauma that is deep can be stored in the physical body, the soma, the gut, the bones, and in the mind, in the unconscious. If the trauma is beyond the normal experience of humanity and stems into dimensions that are hidden from view of contemporary society it can also be in the collective unconscious because in order to hide trauma of this nature, it becomes a collective choice that involves more than one person intentionally inflicting harm and the societal structures that enable the harm to occur, such as, what you see in the Catholic Church. In the Catholic Church, these were in essence, institutions that were (and possible still are?) home to pedophiles who knew and know how to scent out victims. The church has been aware and is complicit in the trauma.