The Slovene Papers

THE SLOVENE STORIES

The following selection of creative writing is from 2015, when writing collaboratively with fellow artists as a part of a collective I was a part of, ArtBark, which had a local component, and a professional interntional component. ArtBark grew out of a boutique dance company I founded after graduating from Cal Arts called SonneBlauma Danscz Theatre. I would love to illustrate these. We did subsequent sessions, and I observe, they became wilder and wilder as we grew more comfortable with each other.

Structure of Writing Game One

Game ONE

Use Slovenian papers Misa brought back from Alma.Sama adventure and pick one word. Assign it a value of either: animal, vegetable, mineral, or region. We began to write, each on their own piece of paper, in reaction to the Slovenian word, which we did not know the definition for. After completing a sentence, or thought, we would pass the writing on clockwise. We had so much fun with this we decided to continue with this weekly with the rules of the game evolving, and the definitions/stories becoming wilder

JULY 5^th, 2015

UPORNA

Animal

Uporna is a 6 legged animal with a twisted horn growing out of its back. It is mostly nocturnal. It feeds on small rodents that are mostly active at night. The upornas live in hollowed out trunks of dead trees. Despite their nocturnal habits and frightening appearance the character is like that of a chocolate eating toad that spins with reckless abandon on Lillie pads drunk off the scent of lotus blossoms. The uporna is revered by the counts of Celje, but no one, until now knew this fact.

Slovene: defiantly

Vztrajanje

Region

The vztrajanje region of Philadelphia is a little known area populated largely by wolves. These wolves live in underground caverns and see the light of day only on the summer solstice each year. This is a time of great discovery for them and is akin to what we might call a vision quest. The wolves are known for their distinctive unearthly howl which resounds throughout the summer solstice night. For many the howl is thought to induce a state of consciousness similar to ayuhuasca. If this state of consciousness occurs it is advisable to gird one’s loins and count one’s teeth. However, if you have elected to visit Philadelphia, you probably know all this already.

Slovene: insistence on

NEKAJ

Animal

Feline of Yucatan wasn’t exactly purring so much as choking back sobs because its mate had run off with someone of a different species. Shortly after it happened upon a fresh spring of water and submerged itself gratefully, soaking in the healing spring. Meanwhile, a small yellow bird known as a Churrup sat beside it singing a soft sad song. The Churrup is a bird well known for unique empathetic powers. Filled with gratitude the Nekaj could not resist a quick slurp and chomp and discovered that Churrups taste as well as they sing.

Slovene: something

KUROTORSTVA

Mineral

Kurostorstva is a kind of Slovenian pottery unique to the towns surrounding the river Orstva in North Courtney. This unique pottery utilizes the river silt from the Orstava river to create a unique grey green color. The most common ornamentation is a spiral adorned with thorns that soothe rather than pricks. To find the potters who make this pottery one must offer a reward of 10 kilos of the best stilton to the village idiot. If she grins, acceptance she gains, and eternal youth. But if her efforts are unsuccessful, then a genetic explosion occurs and she finds herself channeling Einstein, no longer an idiot, but quite bright, but also, quite mad.

Slovene: donorship/sponsorship

IZLUŠCITI

Animal

The izlušciti is a small animal that burrows alone underneath the cover of humanity’s collective dream. As it burrows it fills its cheeks with savory tidbits savoring the texture, scent, and flavor of the cud. It is neither male nor female, but rather, genderless, and it practices non-being in order to be. Its color is mother of pearl and its odor is often confused with durian. It has a great fondness for bitter chocolate. Whenever it runs out it carries out a tiny hole in its human dream world and rests until it has the strength to search for its favorite food once again. The islušciti is a humble creative, but very persistent.

Slovene: to get to the truth

JULY 12, 2015

Hannah Ruth, Misa, Chris, Stephen, Tess

Stavbi

Vegetable

The stavbi is a root vegetable that grows in various forms. It often has many ridges along its surfaces and sometimes grows in the shape of the animals that make their homes nearby. Some call it the chameleon of the plant kingdom because it grows to look like the creatures that surround it. It never appears in local cuisine partly for its incredibly bitter taste, but also because of a frightening bit of folklore surrounding the vegetable. Legend has it that those unfortunate enough to taste stavbi will experience a very peculiar sensation before the true flavor is released. The stavbi interacts with one’s taste buds sending them into an orgiastic ripple which causes one’s tongue to whip about and roll in the most peculiar shapes. After 30 seconds the tongue relaxes and becomes tingly. In ancient Greece the stavbi were consumed by the priestesses of the Aegon Temple during holidays. It caused them to chase down any and all men and castrate them later sewing their testicles to the fertility goddess in hopes that she would grant them very large bosoms in their afterlife from which golden milk would flow to feed all the starving souls lost in the chasm between one life and the next.

Slovene word: building

MEDTEM

Animal

Medtem was an odd duck – even for a duck. His mother had been a classical quacker, touring from Mexico to Canada, at least until she met Marge. Marge was a wild ducking that Medtem’s mother felt obligated to take under her wing – but perhaps it was Medtem’s mother who became wilder rather than Marge becoming more reserved. Medtem’s favorite musical number of Marge’s was a sweet rendition of Puccini’s operatic masterpieces. Unfortunately, after Marge’s arrival these were all replaced by Punk Rock opera numbers. Medtem’s reaction was to paint his tail feathers with indelible ink and to paint his feet a vivid fluorescent pink that shows up green under water. His mother took to this new look quite lovingly and the new look inspired a retro-futuristic opera which was performed widely in crop circles attracting strange lights and an increase in UFO activity.

Slovene word: while

VSTOP

Animal

The vstop usually gather in huge numbers in the upper amazon. They are a cross between reptiles and birds and are able to whistle in scales similar to those sung by whales. What they really lack, however, are good looks. Vstop try their hardest to preen and pluck and bathe themselves into some more approachable state, but they cannot help the way the creators made them. Which leads them to wonder, who says we are not pretty anyway? The vstop has a very developed sense of self for a reptile/bird cross, which leads scientists to believe that they may be a closer relation to humans than either reptiles or birds. This also accounts for the heightened interest in physical beauty. Other scientists have suggested that such views show a species narcissism in humans that directly correlates to the fact that baboons consistently get voted in to all political parties.

Slovene word: stood

PRVI

Region/Place

Formal definition: a remote region in Slovenia in the North zone.

Slang: the secluded place one looks for when the need to pee in public.

It is unclear whether the slang definition developed with or outside of the region of Prvi, however, district officials have long sought to eradicate the slang usage of “Prvi” with little success. The reason for the difficulty in the eradicating the slang is that it has become a recent tradition to ward off evil & illness by naming the first born lamb of each season “Prvi.” The locals have found that even well trained linguists have great difficulties answering the call of nature without grunting a few syllables of Indo-Uric imprecations directed at the perpetrators of this infamy

Slovene word: first

Pisarniški

Vegetable

Pisarniški is a vegetable related to the radish raised by garden gnomes that come to life twice a month at the crack of dawn & twice a month at the stroke of midnight & on the third Wednesday of each month when it is overcast and grey. The pisarniški prefers garden gnomes to vampires and other vermin who try to become too cozy by far in the fall season when they are rutting and humping outside my window. Fortunately, they are easily tranquilized by a combination of compost tea and the availability of Netflix. The pisarniški is very grateful for that – as grateful as a vegetable can be, in any case. My favorite way of preparing pisarniškis is to bath them in a light sauce of lemon and butter. They appreciate that too.

Slovene word: office

August 9, 2015

Stephen, Misa, Tess, Chris

TEDNIK

Story

My grandmother always said to me: don't be a Tednik. In the beginning as a young child I had clung to my cuddly little blanket like the rest of my vintage female diaper wearers, but it was not long before my dear cat, mouse, dragged it off in her sharp little teeth and flushed it down the toilet. I was so distraught I pulled out my vintage Harry Potter wand which was dwindling in magic. I pointed directly sideways at the toilet before I could blast it with magic. The mouse pulled out both her Hermione Granger vintage wand and her Peter Pan hat. We laughed at each other and began singing a jolly song. A sea shanty, I think it was - though neither of us quite knew the words so to anyone else we might have sounded like a melodious mumble.

Slovene: Weekly newspaper

ZAKON

Sustenance

Zakon is similar to what we might call bacon. But it comes from a species called Zak. Zaks are large feathered birds with wing spans of 12 feet. They travel by cars that are made from steel recycled by niggle wiggle porpoises that swim in air and breed at such a rapid rate that they sometimes perish in the process. Once a year, they burrow under ground where they drop their wings and eat them. This starts their metamorphisis, which are supposed to lead to release from the wheel of samarskara, but occasionally - as in the case of Peter - are prolonged in perpetual childhood, winging from one Zak world to another, singing happy melodies.

Slovene: law

ZAKON!

SLANG for @$&#%

"Zakon!" She shrieked, then clutched at her throat as though the word itself burned as much as the deed. She had just - completely by accident, she told herself - she had just arrived in the nick of time to give the president of planet purple his once per millennia shave. The shave occurs on the part of his organism where it hasn't been shaved before - and to tell you the truth - he grows new parts if required. The president is both male and super machu, so his stubble is incredibly rough and tough. No wonder his queen uses his face for a nail file. There she sits for hours filing and filing and she has the prettiest nails in the land.

Slovene: law

ZMOGLA

Plant

Zmogla is a plant the color of rainbows dipped in acid that has burst beyond blue, into white, and has snuggled back into its spectrum adding a hue or two more. The zmogla's taste is quite lovely. It reminds me of coconut ice cream with a hint of grubby old man. When it boiled, the rising fumes condense on the nearest chrysalis, cloaking it in a subtle iridescence. The butterfly within often experiences vivid dreams as the condensation grows outside of its tiny enclosure. One time, the zmogla was inspired to invent something and invented a new kind of plant that took its place so it could morph into a genie that couldn't grant wishes because it was gifted with memory loss. This was a blessing in disguise because it put teeth fairies out of business and they retired together in a cloud turned solid and brought to earth by toads turned into princesses ruling the planet back to peace.

Slovene: can do it

August 16, 2015

Stephen, Hannah Ruth, Misa, Chris

ZAVOLJO

Community

Zavoljo is a care-free community set in a remote valley of the Swiss-Italian alps. The name is descended from a Neanderthal term meaning the equilibrium state following a 90 gigavolt jolt to the vacuum scintillation effect. The people of zavoljo are a gentle folk, and they use this kind of equilibrium as a guide for the way they live their lives, always striving to find balance among themselves, within themselves and with their surroundings. The only downside to this is that equilibrium is always shifting and there is absolutely no way to predict whether the next moment will be a future moment or not. It can be quite annoying to be holding hands with your playmate only to discover that the next moment is far beyond your imagining and you find yourself holding ten thousand of your own hands laughing with a large brick in your mouth.

Slovene: for the sake of

DRUGACNA

Location

Drugacna is a place in France that can only be accessed at night, at 2:02 am precisely, and only if the air is very still, threatening to mist. It would bode well on the visitor to piece together an invisibility cloak because passage to Drugacna can be quite harrowing. Upon arrival visitors are welcomed by a one eyed dwarf who offers you a steaming bowl of unmentionables on a silver platter. In the clammy tunnel that leads to the only area of internet access, tantalizing aromas synthesized according to each visitor’s Facebook behavior archive lull even the seasoned (no pun intended) traveler to lower her guard. That instant is all that is required for the invisibility cloak to turn the visitor into a semitransparent gauze of ones and zeros. If one softens their gaze, and sees around and about the gauze, the true meaning of the shroud of Turin pertinent to the visitors quest for freedom is made clear with crystal fine clarity helping to maintain cosmic balance in the bowels of our infinite creative states. A healthy smudge is advised after a visit to Drugacna along with a full body massage and an ample dose of vanilla ice cream drizzled with honey and fresh picked organic Lemon-lime.

Slovene: different

STUPENE

Medical condition

Stupene is a condition you get when your mother bundles you in your diaper too tightly. After several hours the flesh of your buttocks begins to warm and rhinoceros scales begin to form. It would be quite lucky for you to have a cat about, not the cheesier one, but a friendly ordinary cat and a cat smart enough to not only bring talcum powder over but to sprinkle it in between the rhinoceros scales easing your transition into your dragon self. It would be wise to warn the cat to take cover quickly so that this or her hairs do not get singed when the first sneeze that your dragon self-erupts in a series of 2 sets of 2 from your newly formed dragon nostrils. Once that first fright is over, the cat learns to recognize signs of your coming eruptions and will continue you to serve you, if only cautiously. Next, you will find yourself seated at the table next to the cat that will magically morph into a mistress that will never hurt your feelings, but only be the best dragon playmate one could ever hope to have. Beware of marshmallow toasting together would be my only advice.

Slovene: no translation discovered yet

OGREVANJE

Type of Dwelling

Ogrevanje is the name of the dwelling of a particular kind of ogre that lives in the wilds of Sweden. This ogre is commonly known as ogremacht. The Ogremacht’s ogrevanje is a stout and sturdy hut usually made of mud and fortified with the bones of humans that the ogres eat, which they grind with their own teeth. Once, about 20 years ago, a very pretty - and naive - girl decided that making love to one of these ogres would bring about the dawning of the age of Aquarius, and it did! The pretty girl went to England where at the time Mick Jagger was holding court at the Waldorf Astoria. The girl gained entrance, ogre on her arm, and upstaged the large-lipped chanter with her own, even more hirsute and lusty lover, which pleased Mick greatly. He had grown weary of his role of superstar and was looking for just the right act to promote, replace himself, and retire with a gleam in his eye - wondering what magic potion he might take to transform himself into an ogremacht so that he might have a chance of winning a girl as lusty, small lipped, and talented as she.

Slovene: warming up

August 23, 2015

Hannah Ruth, Chris, Stephen, Misa

TOKRAT

Person

Tokrat was not having a nice day. The yellow column was already full, and the gamboge one was headed down the same path. If only his boss hadn’t cancelled his trip to the central library, Tokrat could have fudged the figures as usual, and the president of the United Artists Benevolent Sisterhood could have gone on with their knitting. Tokrat fantasized they were knitting for him hoping to shake off his foul mood and had the courage to pause and give the Sisterhood a lopsided grin, to which they responded with a renowned howlie stink eye. Toccata doubled his shuffle and pressed his third eye dialing direct to his boss’s boss and explained the situation. The boss’s boss had an impossible crush on Tokrat and would melt in a puddle each time he asked for any special favor. This included the time when Tokrat had a strong hankering for some Urhu, which the boss’s boss gathered and brought to him even though the closest bush was 10,000 miles away. Toccata decided it was time to get even with his boss. He said, to hell with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. I’m gonna give all the profits of the corporation to my favorite charity: Lawyers without Yachts. This thought, in and of itself, helped Tokrat to make an instantaneous shift into a parallel universe where he was having a very nice day, his boss was his lover, and all religious orders simply did not exist with religion defined as - going with the heart flow of what one loves to do, and life was tidily organized in such a fashion. If one needed to revisit agony to know how good it was, there was a special library just for that, and one could easily go back to having a wretched day and a wretched life if one chose to do so.

Slovene: this time

Španščina

A delicacy

Španščina is served ice cold on a bed of ice cubes laid out like a game board alternating one cube with lemon, one with orange, one with hibiscus, and one with mint. The energetic information from within the cube resonates with the flavors of Španščina causing a curious chemical reaction that enables the Španščina to lure with its headed aroma any harpies that may be living in the village. The look, in their invisible state, over the shoulders of the revelers, in that it is only eaten to celebrate great expressions of thrive, and when the revelers close their eyes upon tasting the 1,000 layered honey spiked delicacies and groan in gastronomical bliss. Together the harpies stab at the delicacy stealing it away and this causes to the harpies to shed on my carpet. Harpies are normally bosom buddies, bursting with bumptious biliousness, but my carpets hold an even more exalted rank in my affections. Their patterns - the weave of weft and warp - elevate my mind from its icy fetishes, and allow it to glimpse, nay, apprehend the grand design of our destinies. The lower orders may subsist on gluttonous oblivion induced by the totally forgettable Slovenia fare described above, but we of the more sensitive tongue know better. Between each bite, we cleanse our palettes with little cakes of twice baked Urhu which has been flown via carrier pigeon in a delicate pattern right to our doorsteps.

Slovene: Spanish

KONSKO

Name of a business

Konsko is a chain of convenience stores that originated in Bulgaria in the 1960s. It is known and loved among the people there for its gourmet snacks which are shipped from as far as the Milky Way. These snacks include twice cooked thru which is originally from the galaxy Hokejskem and consists mainly of the thru leaves which have been gathered, prayed over and chewed for at least 4 hours by zdravnikov, which is similar to a cow. Another favorite snack is the rudnikov which grows in peculiar rows complete with trademarked wrappers and all. The rudnikov have been designed by planet Vranski urchins to undermine the evil intentions of this line of convenience stores to plague the planet with a universal addiction for their delicacies that bring on instant contractions between skeletal thing and roll poly obese. They are in fact an antidote for this plague, and cure the addiction. However, the Vranski urchins did not realize that the atmospheric pressure would cause, when the rudnikov is eaten, for consumers to flatuate in their finest crystalline giggle with an occasional huge snort of a laugh causing the sphincter valve to undulate ridiculously. This has had a very good impact on the carnival ride business because people come in droves trying to time their releases at the peaks of the ride to avoid great humiliation. I found that funny?

Slovene: Konsko - the name of a Macedonian village; hokejskem – hockey; zdravnikov – physician; rudnikov – mine

URHU

A type of bush

It was a dark and stormy night. I was walking home from a poker game with my friend Norton, when suddenly, I had an overwhelming desire for some Urhu. Unfortunately, the nearest Urhu bush was about 10,000 miles away, or so said my Urdu app, which I had downloaded onto my phone a few weeks before. I learned about Urhu from my friend Benji, a hermit who lives near the mouth of a volcano, I can’t remember where. Urhu is unique in that it grows only around the rims of volcanoes that have been active in the last ten years. It has been found by botanists at Stanford University to contain a hallucinogenic fungus, which, when consumed by humans, will cause without exception, for people to grow hair like Donald Trump. Also, it will turn people into narcissistic bombastic creeps. Occasionally others will recognize them as such, but all too often they become leaders of the pack, corrupting the pure hearts of Miss America contestants and deporting themselves to Slovenia. This small country is now made up of close to 50% trampling, who sleep under other people’s beds and often urinate on gravestones.

Urhu: a Chinese instrument

September 6, 2015

Misa, Hannah Ruth, Chris, Stephen, Marsha

ZDRAVNIKOV

An expression

“Zdravnikov” he said, “and if not zdravnikov, at least kolesárje.” We kept marching through the dense forest, nobody needed say a word, because, after all, zdravnikov summarized all that was desirable in the life of a forest dweller, from the rosy-cheeked maiden ready to suckle quintuplets, to the cozy den carved into one of immense, fragrant mountain cedars, and “kolesárje” summarized all that was the bane of such wood-dweller:

but as they proceeded toward the huge mountain before them the zoramnikon overcame the kolesárje and they had to quickly change their clothes to warmer suits because the wind and snow were coming with great ferocity at any minute - and the mother with quintuplets began to open their tent. Quintuplets were not enough and she wanted more children to set free to run naked and happy in the fragrant mountain cedars to help restore balance to the thicket world in which she was presently weaving. She took one look at those marching and quickly shut the tent door, none would do from this lot, she went back to nursing the quintuplets and the marchers were glad of that, because her 6 heads and umpteen eyes were so beguiling, that once inside, they thought for certain they would never leave, but fall into the hole in the earth that leads to a paradise they were certainly not ready for - such was the love for their boy toys.

TEDNIK

Animal

Tednik is the name of an extremely rare nocturnal mammal that looks like the cross between a panda bear and a hippo that is the size of an oversized stuffed paddington bear. Its colors change by month as well as by year with 3 year rotations always beginning with a primary color - primary being pink, gold, and chartreuse. The appetite of the tednik changes according to color and he also begins to change the size of his legs and arms so as to protect himself and his group to which he belongs. So as his whole appearance begins to grow the other animals nearby back up and away in case he changes his temper and begins to growl ferociously. One such beast backed all the way to Washington of the D.C., where he almost got the attention of an important lobbyist. However, as chance would have it, his luck was even better: he was mistaken for an important lobbyist. Within moments a limo the size of his favorite sandwich engulfed him. Two scantily-clad young humans began massaging his favorite coffee pot, which he took with him everywhere. This caused it to begin sputtering out the most delicious coffee he had ever tasted. He was very grateful for this, since the pot had been dysfunctional for quite some time. Of course, you are probably wondering how he managed to imbibe the coffee while he was engulfed in a lime. To this I say, only time will tell, and tell, only when space becomes a thing of the past.

Slovene: Weekly newspaper

CESTO

A state of being

Cesto is that special quality that could be described as “invigorating” “enlivening”, and “gets you up off the ground.” Just the other day I tasted some mango ice cream with lemon zest and my, my, my what cesto it had! I was soon trotting about the ice cream parlor, dancing an irish jig that I had learned at my cousin’s wedding 20 years ago but completely forgot about. What a wonderful quality cesto is. There is a very little know secret about this quality. When the cesto mood comes on, it leads to extraordinarily rapid growth of human hair and toe nails, but inverse growth of one’s fingernails. For this reason, guitarists dread this state in that it makes for the inability to fingerpick. The community adores this state of being also known for its intricate hairstyles which can be maintained even as the hair is growing. I remember seeing a woman who once had hair as tall as a decoration of a local watering hole but on weekends had very raunchy strip shows that were legendary for the Aussie cowboy crowd they attracted. One evening, a pseudo cowboy (who was actually in the sheep biz) managed to set a new record for the consumption of aged spirits. In his hallucinatory bliss, he brought out his shears, shaved the woman better than any of his Brazilian rivals, and simply passed out. Only the kiss of the grateful guitarist turned him back into the ponce gentleman he had been bred to be - born with his britches on backwards, his hat inside out, and one dozen gold plate spoons in a fist each.

Slovene: road

Izgúbo

A person’s name

Izgúbo rang the dire refrain in her mind. It was as tenacious as a frankfurter ad; but the import was vastly less jovial. Could it be that the époque long foretold by the rosy-cheeked monks of Bledsk Jezero was coming to pass? Perhaps the apocalyptic scenario could be delayed, if we would make some kind of sacrifice. What would be the dearest possession we could offer at the three blind mice’s altar? My mind was racing. Time was running out, suddenly, I felt a sharp tingling in my right pinky. I grabbed onto it impulsively with my other hand, only to find that my fingers were stuck and I could not release my grasp. What now? Well, an hour later this turned out to be a blessing in disguise when a power hungry policewoman attempted to hand cuff me for no reason. I breathed a sigh of relief. Me being male - she female - and having plenty of power to feed her. I gladly let this sudden apparition masquerading as the love of my life handcuff my wrist to her pierced navel and we have lived happily ever after since, me feeding her all my power and she getting gloriously plump and ravishing. She has since given up police work and has taken to closing down brothels because all it takes is one whiff and eye of her gorgeous goddess form for brothel goers to change their ways and take to showering her with white rose petals.

Slovene: loss

ZAZGODEN NAKUP

Name of a person

Zazgoden Nakup lay down on the ground - he couldn’t stand because his feet felt strange - they kept moving side to side & up and down and he felt as though he couldn’t control them. He was puzzled by this. What could be causing such a phenomenon? Was it the mango ice cream he had eaten for breakfast that morning? Perhaps. It had come from an ice cream parlor just down the road that was known for its unusual flavors which were designed to produce uncanny effects on the eater. His favorite flavor was watermelon crunch, with the crunch part being little zesty lemon orbs, once crunched on, emitted the savor of an arctic blast of mint followed by a tangy molasses after taste that induces an immediate altered state of consciousness where the size of tall people are reduced by half and the size of short people triple, fat turns into feathers, and skinny people start to undulate ridiculously. The net effect is conjuring an emotion that blends sorrow with laughter. It is presently marketed as a promising cure for PTSD and to help Alzheimer’s patients cope with family members who are not able to enjoy life to the degree they are. I have always wondered if it could be fun to have Alzheimer’s myself. You don’t have to remember anybody. We could maybe have champagne and Alzheimer’s, playdates and Alzheimer’s mud wrestling. I hope it is alright to be frank about my hope that it helps Alzheimer’s patients, that don’t want to know their family, to remain in a state of not knowing their family if that is their wish. All people should have the right to choose who they call family.

Slovene: Nakup – purchase

September 12, 2015

Hannah Ruth, Chris, Misa

SLIKE

Planet

Slike is one of my favorite planets in the universe. It can only be entered through one portal on earth, that I know of at least, through the digeridoo played by the last shaman in the outback of Australia. Once you enter the portal one’s body is suspended for a split second in time while one’s consciousness travels faster than the speed of light to visit for ten lifetimes what occurs as a split second in earth time. It is a refreshing experience because the portal traveler gains a rich perspective on their own life. Of course, it helps that the portal travel chamber contains a frozen yogurt machine because one cannot gain entrance to Slike without an offering for the natives on this planet if one hopes to enjoy one’s stay on Slike. The natives of Slike are known for their laziness. When they get up in the morning they are so lazy that immediately they go back to bed and spend all day there. They are skinny folks for cooking and preparing food is way too much of an exertion. So, the people lie about all day with their mouths open having to catch something that passes by.

Slovene: pictures

GRE TUDI

Person

Gre Tudi was well known in all the land. Gre Tudi was feared by some, but not much by many. You had to be on his good side – as most people were – and then you knew everything would go well for you. Gre Tudi had a belly the size of a cow, and two oxen that he kept in his garage that he used to pull his beloved ox cart. He was very proud of this cart because it had been graffitified by the most respected artists in the Rudinkov region. The ox cart was painted with natural colors in a cutting edge graffiti back to nature style and had little pots attached to it from which grew lovingly tended owls clover, freesias, carrots, and turnips. Gre Tudi had a well-known oxen foot fetish which bemused the villagers. He gave expression to this fetish by dressing the hooves of the oxen up with ruby red gobs of lignita went flying, often lodging itself in Gre Tudis right ear. But he did not mind much. He had a great love of pierced ears. Each time a lignite met his ear he found that the sharp edges created a perfect hole for another piercing. In that there was scarce room for another right ear piercing, with great negotiation skills, he struck a deal with the oxen. If they could just aim for his left ear he would plant plumerias in the pots from La Combadura garents to spice up the garlands and grow garlics and leeks for treats so that the oxen would have to use, at their discretion, belches that were noxious that they could use to respond in kind to rude travelers that did not treat oxen kindly.

Slovene: Gre Tudi - it is also; lignita – brown coal

RUDNIKOV

A sacred object/experience

Rudnikov was wide spread in ancient Mesopotania. In Egypt it was common during The Arion Reign. In the catacombs of Rome rampant Rudnikov was detected. In the third century just after the fall of the Roman Empire Rudnikov exploded into 10,768,973 pieces. I know this because I was there and counted the all. I was given the task of gathering these pieces, cataloging them, and reassembling them, which took me about 7 years. Just the other day I was reminiscing about that time in my life – as I am doing now. It was a time of great tedium, but also of great purpose, and, it had its ups and downs. I think the high point for me – besides finishing the reassembly of the Rudnikov – was when I spent 3 weeks with barve, soaking in a tub of it on a giant platter that was placed before the queen of Liričnega sveta on her coronation day which delighted her so much that she ordered the king to be sent away on retreat where she pacified me with a harem and a herd of billy goats and set up a Rudnikov in honor of taking me us as her lover. It only managed to allow itself to be assembled half way, but the Liričnega sveta didn’t care. She loved both me and the Rudnikov, and I was very proud.

Slovene: Rudnikov – mine; barve – colors; Liričnega sveta – lyrical world